my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
