At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
