I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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