You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
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