Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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