Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
