I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
