carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
