Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
