Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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