I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Just invented taco cereal.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
