U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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