you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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