i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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