I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize