he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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