I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Randomize
