Even the bartender felt bad for me
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
