It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
