chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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