youre lurking in front of me
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
