you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
