Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
