WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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