I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Can you bring me the toilet please
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
