The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
What a dumb baby whore.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
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