Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize
