I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
