the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
