You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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