Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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