his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
