I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
