I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
i now understand why vodka
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
