he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize