Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
