What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize