sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
its not stalking. its research.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
