I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
