you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
