Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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