one might say we're banned from that church
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
