come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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