My nipple is on Facebook.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
