Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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