Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
