Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
