I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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