I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
