Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
