No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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