I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize