the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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