So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
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