I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
