They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Randomize
