We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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