it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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