I cannot find my penis.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Randomize
