More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
My vagina just recognized that song.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
