i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
