he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
