is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
