i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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