why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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