you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
